


Valentine

by Jay_Heart_22



Category: Phandom
Genre: Drama & Romance, Existential Crisis, Fluff, Heartache, Lemons, M/M, NSFW, Near Death Experiences, References to Depression, Suicide Attempt, hj - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-05-13 10:56:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5704999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jay_Heart_22/pseuds/Jay_Heart_22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan wakes up grumpy on Valentines day -a pointless holiday. Phil, however, has a magical day and an even greater evening planned for his best friend and house mate. They get engaged, but is it too soon? Will things fall apart in the end? Will one of these men -or both- end up with a shattered heart?? Read on to find out...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know most people do not ship this, but no hate, please. I am absolutely in love with these two British YouTubers and their ship so I wrote this very cute fluffy story. I hope I can find some fellow Phans to read this and enjoy it as much as I do. If not, then I don't mind. Just read if you want; don't if you are against this as a romantic ship. Enjoy the story. :3

Dan woke up with a small yawn, rubbing sleep out of his brown eyes. His hair was disheveled and curled up from the layer of sweat he woke up covered by. Today was the most pointless holiday ever. Valentine's Day. Rolling out of his messy bed, too lazy to make it at the moment, he realised the time. He had slept in a lot, though it was not a very restful slumber. His door was ajar, it is not usually open, but he shrugged it off, walking into the kitchen, where a bowl of crisps and a cup of Almond milk were waiting. Dan raised an eyebrow and noticed a note next to the breakfast. It read;  
“Dan~ Eat this and then get ready. I have an exciting day planned for you. Wear something nice! -Lion”  
Dan rolled his eyes, wondering what his friend and flatmate had done. He ate half the bowl and drank the milk, then hurried to his closet, curious of what Phil had in store. On his news blazer (which he intended to wear) was another note on similar paper.  
“Dan~ Once you are in your nicest outfit, hurry over to the station where we first met in person. There will be another note, and it will be on the DINOSAUR. Okay, not really. It will be taped under the bench where I sat and waited. Hurry, or you might catch on fire! Ahh! -Phil”  
Giggling to himself, Dan got dressed and hurried out of his building and to the street to catch a taxi. In the note was quite a lot of pounds for cab fare, so Dan didn’t need to pay out of pocket for this adventure. The cab dropped him at the station and Dan walked in casually. He felt small, anxiety instantly attacking as he was squished between so many people. Whenever he saw Phil, he’d have to hit him for this torture. He pushed through people, unable to breathe, forcing his way to the bench. He crouched and quickly grabbed the note, opening it intently.  
“Dan~ I am sorry if you got there at a time that was busy, I swear it will all be worth it soon enough. <3 Next, think about your favorite place in Manchester. Go there and go to your usual table. The note will be there. Have fun! :3 -Phil”  
Dan sighed and hurried out of the station. He leaned on the wall outside and thought about his favourite place… What was his favourite place?? Fuuuuuuuu. With a sigh, he went to his favourite place to have fun (he assumed that’s what his friend meant.) When he arrived, his table was empty because it was so early. No one was here. He probably seemed like a desperate drunkard. Regardless, he got on the ground and looked under the table. It wasn’t there. Nor was it under the seats. He growled in frustration and got up, sitting at the table. Glancing around, he saw paper stuck in between the table and the wall. A sigh of relief. He reached for it and opened it quickly.  
“Dan~ The next one is a brain teaser. Think of your favourite place to buy your favourite candy, and a box of your favourite candy will be there, at the counter. It is waiting for you to pick it up. I paid for it already, so be quick before someone takes it! -Phil”  
Dan let out another exasperated sigh, tired. He regrets being so unfit and promises to work out more. Right, Dan, we believe that. Maltesers. The candy shop downtown. He walked up to the bar and ordered a shot of something strong, he would really need it for the day ahead. He paid with his own money and hurried out to catch another cab. He caught one rather quickly and rode to the candy shop. He arrived and went inside, going to the counter. More anxiety. What did he say? He might make a fool of himself in front of these people! He grit his teeth and made it to the counter. The man looked up and smiled, reaching under the desk for the box. After handing it to Dan, he winked. Dan left quickly, flustered. That cashier was cute… Dan cringed to himself and mumbled. “You are not gay, Howell. Pull it together damn it.” He was cute though~~ Fuuuuu. Anyways, he opened the box and read the message, eating a few of the candies.  
‘Dan, you are almost done with this scavenger hunt. Congrats, mate! Now, for the final place. You remember that time we talked about our dream dates? Think about the restaurant you mentioned that night. It is far across Manchester so it will be a bit of a ride. Go there and when you go in, give the lady your full name. Trust me it’ll be awesome. -Lion goes RAWR’  
Dan sighed deeply and called for another taxi. It was getting dark and he was growing weary. After about an hour in the taxi (sleeping through most of it) the driver came to a stop. “Mr. Howell, we’re here.” He guy called, waking up the sleeping Dan.  
“Oh.. U-Uh thanks.” He hurried out with his stuff, having already paid the guy, he headed in. It was such a fancy (and expensive) place. “God, I can’t believe he’d blow this kind of money… I ought to kill him!” He whisper-yelled to himself, approaching the check-in counter. “Um Hi…”  
“Name?” said the woman sternly, making Dan feel anxious again.  
Nonetheless, he replied meekly, “Daniel Howell.” She nodded and showed him the way to a table on the top floor (which was completely empty save a table for 2 in the center.) She left and he saw Phil, who’s back was to him. It was silent and the air was thick. With a dry swallow, the tanned boy made his way to the empty seat, sitting quietly with a small smile. This was so romantic… Wait… Why the hell is Phil doing this? It’s such a sick joke! Just like this damn holiday! Dan was quietly seething, trying not to lose it.  
Phil spoke quietly, sounded as anxious as he was. “Would you like some wine?” He smiled and Dan breathed in sharply. He’s going this far for a joke? Are they being recorded?  
“Sure…” Phil poured 2 glasses and the waiter came over, breaking the awkwardness.  
“Your orders, sirs?” He smiled, he was pretty cute too. Dan smiled confidently and flirted a bit, once the waiter left, he looked back to an agitated Phil.  
Awkwardly, he said, “So… Uh, What’s up?” To which Phil shrugged, looking distant. Dan sighed quietly. “So, can you tell me what that cute little scavenger hunt was for?”  
Phil forced a laugh, that sounded dry. He chugged his glass then sighed. “That’s for me to know and for you to find out.” Dan giggled at this, melting Phil’s agitated demeanor quickly. The food arrived and Dan got the hint, not looking at the waiter and mumbling a thank you for the meals. This made Phil feel even better. They ate and made small talk, smiling and laughing at their silliness. After the meal Dan tried to stand, Phil replied quickly by grabbing his hand gently, they both blushed and Phil smirked. “What about dessert?” Dan looked at him in awe.  
“We don’t have that kind of money!”  
“Speak for yourself.”  
“Phil…” Dan looked at the pale blue eyes. Phil smiled softly and intertwined their fingers. Sitting again, the waiter came back and asked about dessert.  
Smiling, Phil ordered a double sundae with 2 spoons. It arrived shortly and was set in between them. Dan’s eyes widened, drooling at the ice cream. Phil nodded for him to dig in and he ate quickly, stopping only for a brain freeze. He let out a whimper in pain, pouting. Phil laughed and took a few bites. They eventually finished and left. Phil held Dan’s hand and Dan smiled. Phil was such a good friend! They walked a bit, it was a rather warm evening, so it was comfortable. They stumbled upon a near deserted park that had a beautiful chapel, the one Dan dreamed of for his future wedding. They talked as Phil casually led them closer. Once they came to a stop, Phil turned so he and Dan are face to face. The shorter one was grinning and the other seemed nervous. They made more small talk, and eventually, Phil stopped speaking to just listen to his friend. He knew that this may be the last time they can talk comfortably. Dan realised the one-sided conversation and stopped, giving a genuinely worried glance at the taller boy.  
“Are you okay dude?” He looked up at Phil, who in turn smiled nervously.  
“Yes, I’m great.” He paused and took a deep breath before continuing, “Can I… Tell you something awkward?” Dan nodded and Phil smiled a bit. Dan looked so cute right now, his blazer and dark outfit making him look rather sharp. His hair falling perfectly. “Dan, I have wanted to admit this for so long... “ He felt nervous again, and looked at their hands to calm himself down. He slowly grabbed Dan’s other hand with his own free one. “I think… Fuck…” He mumbled and looked into Dan’s confused eyes, -Phil never really cursed...- though the blush on his face says somewhere in there he understands what is happening. He let go of his roommates hands and got on one knee, sweating a little. “I have known you for almost a decade, and I have known this for a long time now as well… That valentine's day spoof video I ended up deleting a couple years ago? It wasn’t just a spoof. Every time I see phanart I internally die imagining we could ever actually be like that. I want it to be like that.” Phil reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. “I don’t know if this will ruin everything I hold dear, but I don’t care. I’m too selfish. I need to do this, as I’ve wanted for so long.” He opened the box and Dan’s eyes went wide as he teared up a bit, it was a beautiful set of men’s silver engagement rings. “Daniel Howell, I am in love with you. I hate seeing you flirt with other people, it kills me every time. I know I am not good enough for you, but I’m so hopelessly devoted to you. Will you marry me and make me the happiest nerd ever, my Danosaur?” He choked up a bit at the end. It took a minute for Dan to get over the initial shock as he realised that this, today, is the ‘Perfect date” they had discussed early in their friendship. After cracking a large smile he nodded.  
“Of course! Phil, I really wasn’t expecting this at all, but I can say honestly that I do love you, Phillip Lester, and I would love nothing more than to be your husband.” Phil smiled and let out a relieved sigh, removing the rings from the box and putting the smaller one on Dan and the larger one on himself. Dan didn’t even wait for Phil to put away the now empty box, he tackled his new fiance to the ground in a tight embrace. Phil laughed and kissed the other softly, both obviously happy and content. After they finished, they stood and brushed off their outfits. Hand in hand, they headed home.  
“Dan?” Phil asked, still smiling brightly.  
“Yes?”  
“When we get home we should make a valentines video.”  
“And go public?” Dan said, smiling still. Phil nodded and they agreed to come out together in a video. Their fangirls would have a cow! They didn’t care nonetheless, all they knew is that they were never sleeping or waking up alone ever again. Which they were more than okay with, by the way.


	2. Six Years Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan thinks back upon one night, six years ago. That's all I can really say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING. THERE WILL BE A NEAR SEX SCENE. DO NOT READ IF UNDER 18. IF YOU ARE AGAINST THESE TYPES OF THINGS, SKIP THIS CHAPTER. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. This chapter can be skipped, it is mainly a filler, but I really wanted to write this. No hate comments please and thank you~ By the way, the next chapter will be another cutesy one. :3

~Flashback~

“Yeah yeah, go towards the giant drills of death! What the FUCK?!” Dan snorted sarcastically, watching Phil fail at Sonic 4 quite epically. “Just gonna have a picnic on the floor when there's a giant wall of drills heading toward you.” Phil ignored his flatmate and retried the level. “Imagine if you were Sonic, you’d be like ‘Umm..?’”  
“I can’t do it!” Phil pouted as he died again. Being who he is, he refused to give up.  
“Four lives.” Dan commented judgmentally, commenting on how many more tries Phil had left.  
“Oh my god. Go go go!” Phil whispered urgently to his game character, who couldn’t hear him. “This is a horrible place to live!” Phil stated as he escaped the wall safely.  
Dan chuckled and glanced at Phil, then back at the screen, “Who lives here?”  
“Crabs apparently.” Phil replied.  
“They’re crabby.”  
Phil internally facepalmed and focused on the game, “Oh no, it’s inevitable.” He was stuck between a wall and the drill wall of death. Dan covered his face in horror at how much his friend sucks at this game.  
“Three lives.”  
“Well what was I supposed to do then?” He replied slightly irritated. Dan shrugged sarcastically.  
“Not suck at Sonic?”  
“I hate you.” Phil glared at the game and retried, dying immediately. He laughed and Dan looked at him credulously. He retried and made it kinda okay, until he couldn’t make a ramp.  
“NO NO NO!” He pouted as he died again. Dan facepalmed and Phil let out a little scream. Dan laughed and Phil restarted. “Hey I know how to make our gaming channel fun, play Sonic!” Phil bitterly repeated the words of his flatmate.  
“It is fun, you’re just a bit retarded!” Dan remarked.  
Phil sighed, “It is literally the worst thing I’ve ever done.” He almost died again, “What’s worse than Sonic? Nothing.”  
“Then stop to have a picnic with the drill wall of death!” Dan repeated. Phil died again, this time by vertical crushers. “Oh, god. Well, you gotta wait there, it’s your fault I died.” He pouted, saying that Dan was distracting him. Who in turn looked at him like he was crazy.  
“How is it my fault?”  
“We should rename you death causer.”  
“Why is it my fault?” He began to glare at his raven haired friend.  
“You causer of death.co.uk.org/com” Phil joked and Dan pinched the bridge of his nose.  
“CONCENTRATE.” Dan said irritably.  
“You know what rhymes with concentrate? Shut up.” Phil said. Dan forced away his oncoming smile. “OH GOD. Ya know what? Help me this time, don’t be horrible.”  
Dan obliged, “Spin, spin. Spin spin spin. Go. Live. Go go go go go go. YES. You’ve done it-”  
“Go go go go!” Phil whispered again to his character. “This the last life?”  
“Yeah yeah yeah. This is it.”  
“This is the end of our journey.” Phil glanced at Dan, trying to be dramatic. Phil died and Dan facepalmed again. They looked at each other.  
“I’m sorry.” Phil pouted then looked at the screen, unable to make eye contact.  
Dan took the controller confidently, “Watch me beat impending doom on the first time.”  
“I’m doubting that.” They bickered a bit as Dan sped through the game.  
“Oh, what was that? I just beat the part that took you like an hour to do, in one life. I mean, one go.” Phil pushed on Dan’s face. “Hey hey hey!” Phil retracted and watched intently. “Oh god!” Dan said, almost dying.  
"That brick looked like a nose.”  
“Nosepass.”  
“That’s not a pokemon is it?”  
“It’s an epic pokemon and it’s actually more popular with girls than boys.”  
“So it’s a nose pokemon?”  
“Just it- it’s the- FUCKING TIT.” He almost died while talking and re focused on the game. Phil tried to continue with talking about the pokemon. “Yeah, I’m trying to concentrate on not dying instead of talking about fucking Nosepas.” He almost died again, “FUCK!” He died and almost threw the controller. Phil laughed a bit and Dan turned to him, hitting him in the arm.  
“It’s not my fault!” He whimpered.  
“Stop talking to me about Nosepas then!” He let a smile slip and internally facepalmed himself.  
“It’s important-”  
“No, I’m trying to prove that I can do what took you about ten hours in one go, and here you are going ‘Nosepas Nosepas!’” He rolled his eyes and almost died again, “FUCKING-” He got caught in between the same wall and drill wall that Phil had been stuck in earlier and died, “WHAT?!” Phil laughed at Dan. “SORRY, we’ve decided to k- You know what? Shut up this time about pokemon.”  
“Fine, I’ll just pretend to be a pokemon then.” He put his hands on his head, pretending that they were ears. Dan almost died and held back another curse. Phil made claw-hands and monster faces behind Dan. In yet another attempt to distract him without making noise, Phil made more odd faces and gestures.  
“What are you doing?” He sighed.  
“Being a pokemon!”  
He almost died again, “Fuck!” And again “Fuck!!” Again, “Fuuuuuu…”  
“You died where I died everytime.” Dan pouted and whacked Phil in the head. Dan then died and punched Phil several times, smacking him in the face as a KO hit.  
“It’s not my fault!” Dan started up again and Phil continued, “You know what else is a stupid pokemon? In pokemon black and white there’s the one that looks like a gear.”  
Dan died again and yelled, “SHUT UP!!!” Turning to his flatmate to glare.  
“It’s like, a gear-”  
“SHUT UP!”  
“It evolves into another gear-”  
“SHUT IT!” He put a hand over Phil’s face and started laughing. “Or I’m gonna rip your face off!”  
“And his final evolution is a giant ge-”  
“Oh my god! I want to kill you. Kill you and replace you with someone else.” Dan seethed. “Replace you with Naroman.” Silent pause as Phil looked hurt “I said it.” Dan said proudly and matter of factly.  
“Take that back.” He said slightly dully, he knew Dan was only joking this whole time, but it still hurt. Dan laughed.  
“I bet Alex Day would be great at Sonic.” Dan died again “And he wouldn’t be a stupid fucking- Fuuuuu!”  
“He’s allergic to hedgehogs.” Dan looked at Phil, “I read it on wikipedia-”  
“You’re not allowed to talk anymore.” He put a hand over Phil's face to shut him up then returned to the game. “If you talk before I die I will punch you in the head.”  
“No!”  
“Weather you like it or not.” He started up the game again.  
“Can I ask you a question at least?” Dan shook his head no, but Phil continued anyway. “What does Sonic do with all the coins?” Dan is the literal most unamused person in the world. “Does he eat them?” Phil continued. “Put ‘em in his pocket?”  
“Punch in the head?” Dan questioned rhetorically. “Fuck.” Dan said irritably, about to lose it. This wasn’t planned, Phil is literally trying to annoy him. “Fuck. Fuck! FUCK!” Dan punched Phil in the face after he died, but hit harder than he intended. He soon regretted it as Phil’s eyes went dark. Phil growled, “Camera…” And his friend quickly turned off the camera, looking at Phil.  
“I’m so sorry Phil, I didn’t me-”  
“It’s your turn to shut up!” He growled again and stood. The smaller man followed suit as Phil walked away.  
Dan caught up when Phil was in the corridor. He grabbed Phil’s arm gently, “I didn’t mean i-” Phil pulled his arm away violently and pressed Dan up against the wall pinning him there. Dan and Phil stared at each other, Dan in fear and the taller in some glazed over feeling. Phil growled and kissed Dan -softly, to Dan’s surprise. They made out as Phil didn’t wait to become rougher. Phil forced his tongue into the other’s mouth and they made out passionately. Phil picked Dan up, wrapping his housemate’s legs around his own hips as he carried Dan into the room. When there, Phil dropped Dan on the bed and quickly got on top of him, never breaking the kiss. Phil smirked and pulled back, moving to Dan’s neck. He bit roughly and his chocolate eyed friend cried out, realising he was right about that probably being a g spot. After leaving a very large dark mark, Phil moved his hand and palmed Dan through his jeans. Dan let out a moan and covered his mouth, “Phil, what are you-” Phil silenced him by pressing a bit harder. After, he unbuttoned and unzipped his friend’s pants -with one hand, amazingly- and reached under the fabric. Dan whimpered, unsure as to what exactly was happening. The raven haired man pulled out his friend’s member, stroking it kind of harshly. Dan let out a seething noise, gripping the back of Phil’s neck. Phil chuckled and removed his hand. He wanted payback. Slowly, he made his way down his flatmate’s body. He reached Dan’s hips and bit his right side harshly, the smaller man letting out a pained groan. Phil licked the underside of Dan’s member slowly then pulled away, smirking. Dan pouted a bit and Phil moved up to kiss him, slowly grinding his hips into the other’s.  
“Fuck…” Muttered the brunette, deepening the kiss, no longer caring about anything. They ground and made out for a while, Phil finally melting into a smile. He’d secretly wanted this for such a long time. They were panting and Dan unbuttoned Phil’s pants, pulling out his hardened member out and giving it a jerk. Phil inhaled sharply and returned the action. They made out heatedly as they stroked each other, gradually picking up pace. They rocked their hips into the other’s hands and both came all over their clothes. Phil broke the kiss and collapsed beside Dan, they both felt a high they hadn’t felt in a little over three years. Phil grabbed Dan’s hand gently and closed his eyes. They were in bliss, but alas, it came to an end, and Dan’s eyes widened. He ripped his hand away from Phil’s and covered himself with a part of the blanket. “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!” Phil sat up and put his pants on properly. blushing in embarrassment and fear.  
“I-I don’t know! I’m sorry…” Phil looked away, almost in tears. Dan shook his head, unable to think. This wasn’t okay. Dan left and wasn’t seen for the rest of the night. The next morning, showered and calmed down, they ran into each other, as was inevitable.  
“Dan.. Listen…” Phil couldn’t find words to say after that.  
“It’s alright.” He forced a dorky smile, “We just… Have to pretend like… Nothing happened. It will get weird otherwise, and I can’t lose my best friend… Lion, I’m sorry.”  
Phil felt his heart snap, “Yes, I agree. We have to stay composed… For the fans.” And they dropped it for almost 6 years, acting normal as if they hadn’t done anything weird at all. 

~End of Flashback~

Dan reminisced upon this moment, 6 years ago. Now, they were engaged. He could remember that clearly, he never wanted to forget. He’d always regretted it, but at that moment, it seemed right. He thought about this as he and Phil were readying to announce their engagement to their fans. He played with his thumbs nervously and Phil held his hand reassuringly.  
“Are you ready, Danosaur?”


	3. Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and Dan come out, but how will the world react?

“Are you ready Danosaur?” Phil smiled, gripping his fiance’s hand. Dan was pulled out of his trance like state, blushing bright red and nodding, still nervous. This is why Dan was scared six years ago -and many times before. He knew that a lot of their fans would be ecstatic, with their “I KNEW IT” and “PHAN IS LIFE” comments. But there were those who would not only drop them both but be hateful. He could take hate, but when it came to his sexuality he for some reason felt fear. Phil started the camera, their hands clasped below its range.   
“Hey, guys!” They said unanimously, as per usual in their videos.   
Dan led in nervously, “We have a huge announcement to make and some of you will be upset, but I-...” He got cut off by his nerves and Phil looked at him with a worried gaze.   
“Are you sure you want to do this?” He whispered to the brunette, feeling slightly hurt. Dan stared into his eyes and smiled sweetly, nodding.   
With a new found confidence, Phil spoke up, “And some of you will be ecstatic. Our true fans won’t ridicule us, they will be proud!” He laughed at how cheesy he sounded.   
Dan got braver, “Phillip, would you do the honours?” He nodded and Dan continued, “This is not a spoof nor a joke, guys, so please take this seriously.”  
“We are proud to announce to you all,” They lifted up their left hands, showing off the beautiful rings.   
“We’re engaged!” Dan finished excitedly, smiling widely now as he hugged Phil. They kissed gently and quickly, then looked at the camera again. Dan’s face was red and Phil had his prominent as ever smirk.   
“We still have to sort out the details, but I am so glad that I’m finally taking this big step. I am more happy that it’s with my Danosaur.” They shared a loving stare then focused on the camera, trying to not be more cheesy than they were already being. They held hands again and ended the video with, “Happy Valentines day!” Simultaneously being said, while putting up one hand each and making a heart for the camera. They turned it off and only edited a little bit, as this was a serious and raw-cut video. They posted it on Dan’s channel, then logged into their separate Twitter’s, advertising the new video. They re-opened the Youtube tab and waited. As the seconds felt like hours, Dan was anxious. Phil was okay with ridicule for this, but Dan’s anxiety wouldn’t allow for him to be. Dan squeezed Phil’s hand and he laid his head on the raven haired man’s shoulder, neither looking away from the screen. Soon, the video was getting a lot of views all at once, reaching 1,000 almost in an instant. Many likes popped up, as did a few thumbs down. Then, as all those rose at an alarmingly fast rate, the comments rolled in. Most along the lines of;  
“OMG, I KNEW IT!”   
“Is this a joke?”  
“So much Phan!!!!!!1!!!!11!!”  
“EW! Fag Alert.”  
“Oh, shut up, hater.”  
“He’s right, this is disgusting and a disgrace to humanity. Js.”  
“No, I think it is adorable. I may not have shipped it, but as a true fan, I will respect and support their love. Congrats you two, I wish you luck !! :)”  
“AWWWWWWWWW!”  
“TOO ADORBS.”  
“MY BABIES TOGETHER AT LAST :3”  
“This is gross.”  
The comments varied, some were threatening, but Phil helped Dan through. They got on their separate accounts, replying to the questions. After YouTube died down, they got on their twitters. One of the first things they saw was Tyler, having sent a tweet to both of them.   
“@amazingphil @danisnotonfire OMG YOU GUYS WHAT? YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?! jk love you both, congrats <3” They laughed and started replying to tweets from many people, friends, fans, etc. They knew neither of their families were online at this time of night, so they decided to call. Dan first, to get it over with since he was petrified. He called his mum and she answered, “Daniel! How are you, sweetie?” He could hear her smile through the phone, causing him to smile widely.   
“I’m great! Uh… Mum, you know how I told you about… My er- My preference for… Guys?” This never gets any less awkward. She felt uncomfortable as well,   
“Yes, dear. I have told you that it’s okay.” She didn’t sound fine with it at all. Phil looked at Dan as he replied to his mum.  
“Well, what if I were to tell you that I was in love… With this guy… For nearly nine years… And he felt the same and proposed to me?” He spoke the last part very fast, words jumbled, barely understandable. There was a pause, and she spoke up.  
“Is it Phillip?” Phil bit his tongue trying not to laugh. She’s pretty sharp. “He proposed? Honey, I’ve told you not to get into anything serious with a man until you’ve completely deleted women-”  
“Mother,” He spoke, choking in fear.  
“Don’t you interrupt me, Daniel.” Phil felt angered, how could a mother treat her son like this? “I told you, I don’t want you marrying a male until you are sure that you will never find a woman to marry!”  
“MUM.” Dan got bolder, continuing, “I don’t like girls. Like at all. If I wait to ‘find a girl’ I’ll be alone forever. I love Phil. If you really care, you’d be happy about it! Not be judging me! I love him and nothing you do can change that fact.” He felt like crying, Phil felt this and hugged Dan tightly. In an attempt to comfort him. Dan saw this coming, his mum was kind of understanding… Just not about this. There was a pause for a minute though it felt more like an hour.   
“Daniel… I have been so lenient with you...” She sighed agitatedly. “Do whatever you want. I want you to be happy, but can you really be happy knowing that you do not have my blessing? He’s a sweet boy and all… But it’s just not right, Danny…” He felt his eyes tearing up as she hung up. Clinging to Phil he let out a shaking breath, refusing to cry. Phil stroked Dan’s hair, as he usually did when his flatmate was sad. After kissing the chocolate-eyed man’s forehead softly, he smiled.   
“It’ll be okay… I promise. Everything will be okay, as long as you are sure you want to do this.”  
Dan looked up at the taller man, smiling a bit, “I’m sure. I’ve not been this sure of anything since I decided to move in with you.” He kissed Phil’s cheek, “It’s your turn, lion.”  
With a nod and smile, Phil grabbed his phone. He rung his mother and she answered. “Is that you Philip?” He could feel her love. “How have you been darling?”   
“I’ve been amazing, and how about you?” He smiled at her laugh.  
“Was that intentional?” She was still laughing and Dan jumped in.   
“Just get out.” Phil laughed as did his mum. They were all smiling in content.   
“Daniel is there? Tell him that I miss him! He’s like a second son to me you know!” She was still grinning as she continued. “Anyway, I’m just fine. To what do I owe this pleasure?” She referred to why the boys had called.   
“Mum... “ He paused, “I have something to say… You remember you lent me the money for the engagement?”  
“Yes, how’d it go? Did she say yes?” She seemed to be fangirling a bit.  
Phil sighed, “Mum, it… It’s not a girl?” Silence… Phil was almost sweating, he was beginning to freak out.   
“Well… Did he say yes? You never told me who it was. Was... “ She gasped, “Oh goodness, is it, Dan?!” Phil chuckled.  
“How would you react if I said yes?”  
“I would be so happy and I’d beg to help plan the wedding! Ooh, are you gonna adopt or have a surro-”  
Phil freaked out, “M-Mum! No! Not there yet!!” She laughed.  
“I was playing Philly, I love you both and congrats! Tell Dan I think you two are cute together~ And call me soon so we could arrange things! Bye-Bye.”  
She hung up and Phil was blushing slightly. Dan giggled and grabbed Phil’s hand. “I’m tired.” Phil yawned.  
“Same.” Dan smiled and they walked into his room. Dan let go of Phil and jumped onto his bed, “come on!” He teased, “I won’t bite.” Giggling, he laid on his side, looking up at Phil. The raven haired man smiled and turned off the light.   
“Immersion!”   
Dan burst out laughing as Phil layed next to him, facing the brunette. After Dan was over his fit of laughter, they cuddled. Dan cuddling up to his chest, Phil holding him tightly. Dan’s smile slipped, feeling nervous again once it could not be seen. How could he go through with this? He loved Phil, more than anything, but wasn’t it too soon? What of his mum..? He bit his lip as Phil gently kissed the top of his head.   
“Is everything alright, Danosaur?” He sounded concerned.  
How did he know something was wrong? “Just thinking.”  
“Well, that’s never good…” They lay in silence for a while longer. “Penny for your thoughts?” Phil asked meaningfully.  
Dan thought about it. “Are we doing this all… Too fast?” Phil stayed silent, and Dan continued, “Don’t get me wrong. I want to marry you more than anything… Trust and believe that.” He kissed Phil’s cheek.   
“So you want to marry me? Why do you sound like you don’t..?” Phil asked, sounding crushed.  
“I-I do! Listen, Lion… I love you. I want to marry you. I do. I want to be your fiance. I want to be your forever… Damn, I sound cheesy…” Dan mumbled the last part to himself.   
Phil smiled a bit, “Then… What’s wrong?”  
The thing is, the brunette didn’t know. “I… I just... “ He started freaking out a bit, “I… We… I-I think we should…. Just… Fuck, I don’t even know...” Phil stroked his hair and kissed him gently to calm him down. Thankfully it worked. Dan smiled and his tension melted away. “We should get married as soon as possible… Tomorrow we’ll call whoever needs to be called and… I want it to be a small wedding, only family and our closest friends.” He began daydreaming about it as Phil chuckled.  
“So, my mum and I can plan it?” Dan nodded, still in dream land. “Then it’ll be a secret from you until the day of. I’ll have you picked up and drove there separately. It’ll be so…”  
“Perfect? Romantic?” The chocolate eyed man giggled, “It’ll be that way regardless of scenery and set-up.” They shared another sweet kiss and closed their eyes to sleep, snuggled close as if they would float away if they were to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before the big day in this story, there will be several chapters that are gonna be flashbacks (you'll see here in a few chapters.) And there will be a bit of drama and quite a bit of sad stuff, so I am just saying this beforehand. Enjoy the story ^.^


	4. Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phi goes out and Dan is left at home with his thoughts -memories from the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some mild adult content. Nothing too bad, but just enough to warn you of.

The next morning Dan woke up to an empty bed. He sat up and yawned, rubbing his eyes. Feeling the cold metal on his finger, he smiled to himself. Yesterday, Sunday, the 14th of February, was probably the best day of his life. So far, 2016 was pretty amazing. The smell of Delia Smith pancakes filled the air, and he got up, yawning again as he exited his room. Usually, on Sundays, they did a Radio show, but Phil called and got both of them yesterday evening off before the brunette even woke up. Once in the kitchen, he smiled again at the sight of Phil making up plates of pancakes. Phil had his back to the doorway, and Dan walked up to him quietly, resting his head on his back. The blue-eyed man jumped then laughed a bit. “I was about to get you. Still tired?” Dan nodded, face still buried in Phil’s upper back. “Want some coffee?” He asked sweetly, causing the brunette to smile to himself.  
“That would be wonderful.” Phil smiled as well and walked to the other side of the kitchen to make coffee. Dan looked at the pancakes, picking up the plates as he almost salivated, but he decided to wait for Phil like a gentleman. Once the raven haired man finished the coffee, they walked into the living area. Dan set the plates on the table, and Phil set a cup next to each plate. They sat down and turned on the anime they were currently working on. Dan quickly dug in, loving the taste of the breakfast. They usually had cereal, but he could honestly get used to this. Phil smiled at Dan and grabbed his plate, getting comfy on the sofa. Once the taller man was settled, Dan leaned on him with a dorky smile. They ate in a comfortable silence, the only noise being the television. When Dan finished his plate, he set it down and grabbed his coffee, blowing on it softly. Phil finished shortly after and followed suit. They sipped their drinks, finishing near the ending of the episode. They cuddled for the remainder of the episode, and once it finished, Dan got up and grabbed the dishes, heading into the kitchen. Phil followed.  
“I can get the dishes, Dan.” He smiled sweetly as Dan set them in the sink. He hated doing the dishes, but he owed it for the breakfast.   
“I can do at least this much!” He chuckled and wiped his hands on a hanging hand cloth. Turning to Phil, he pecked him on the lips. “Don’t you have to get ready anyway, Mr. Wedding planner?” Phil facepalmed, smiling at his silliness. Then, he remembered he and his mother were going out today and sighed.   
“Yeah, but are you sure..?” Dan smiled widely and nodded. Phil smiled as well. “Okay, well, is there any specific date you’d like the wedding to be? Mum said to ask if you had a preference.”  
“Well,” Dan paused to think. “I don’t care, as long as it’s sometime soon…”   
“Scared you’ll change your mind?” Phil joked, and they both laughed.  
“No changing my mind, you're stuck with me forever now~.”  
“Oh, that’s terrifying.” They both laughed and Phil kissed Dan on the cheek and then left. Dan blushed and turned to the sink, still smiling brightly. He got the dishes done pretty quickly, then went to sit down on the sofa. A few minutes later, Phil came out, looking good. His hair parted perfectly, and he looked happy in his heart sweater and black jeans. He looked pretty cute. “I’m meeting mum in town, so I have to leave.” Dan pouted, and Phil leaned down and hugged him. “I’ll be back for dinner, okay?”  
“Alright.” Dan smiled and watched as his fiance left. Once he was alone, he turned on some random program, wandering off into his thoughts. He thought back on a time when, believe it or not, he and Phil were… Not an item, so to speak, but they did have something there. It was about the time of their first Phil is not on fire video…

~Flashback~

“Why do you always wear cat whiskers on your face?” Dan read from off of his screen.   
He drew them on and got super close to the screen as Phil drew on some as well. Phil meowed cutely behind him. Dan backed up again and got next to Phil, reading the next question. “What does a giraffe sound like?” Phil screeched in a high pitch, then again but lower. They both started laughing, “That’s- every animal makes that noise with you!” Phil did it again, causing the brunette to roll his eyes.   
“Zebra,” Phil said.  
“Zebra. Zebra.” Dan kept a serious face, with much difficulty. Phil made the noise again, and Dan laughed. The next question, “If you had to lose your leg or your nose, what would you lose?” Dan kept a serious face and Phil tilted his head a bit, laughing. “My leg? Imagine my face without a nose.” He covered his nose and groaned lowly.  
“Voldemort has no nose.”  
“I’d look like Voldemort!”   
Dan fixed his fringe, “Voldemort is pretty fit to be honest.”   
Phil made a funny face. “I already look like Voldemort-” He got closer to the screen to see himself.  
“I would bang Voldemort.”   
“-Harryyyy!” Phil groaned, almost blushing at Dan’s comment. He sat back again and put on a claw glove. Dan laughed.  
“Ninja or Pirate?”  
“Ninja!” He made a ninja noise as a reply.   
“I am naked right now.” Dan read from off the computer, really close to the screen for effect.  
Phil growled, “Oh.”   
“Would you eat ham every day for the rest of your life if you got paid a million pounds every month you lived?”  
“Yes.” Phil paused, “Although, I’d probably die of ham poisoning.”  
“Ham overload.”  
“Ham overdose. Ham.”   
“Ham.”   
“Ham.” Phil held up a stuffed gopher to the screen and in a weird voice said, “Gopher it!” Dan held back a chuckle.  
“Is your house still haunted?” Dan looked at the screen, “Um, you may not know, but Phil actually lives in the hotel from the film The Shining.” They picked up the camera and walked out into a lobby. “Here you have the death cathedral.” They went into a room, and Dan pointed the camera at a creepy doll, “Demonic toy number one.” Phil stayed behind Dan, almost laughing. They went back into the hall, “Genuinely the hotel from The Shining.” He stopped and pointed the camera at the picture of a random family hanging in the lobby, “Pictures of the dead family that were brutally murdered in this house 200 years ago.” They entered another room and pointed it at a creepy mask on the bookshelf. “What the hell is that?”  
“Uh-oh,” Phil said from out of view of the camera. They made way to the front door.  
“The front door of death.” They moved quickly into the other bedroom, “The actual scariest doll in existence.” He pointed the camera at a doll on a chair at the other side of the bed -Phil was laying on the bed face down. “That will just chop you up in your sleep. Look at it.” Dan continued and got closer to the doll, zooming in. “Isn’t that right?” He asked Phil, who lifted his face off the bed to stare at the camera now in his face.   
“Mhmm.”   
“Perhaps the most terrifying thing in the house,” Dan paused dramatically, then pointed the camera at a pouting Phil. Dan internally ‘awe’d. They went back to the raven-haired man’s room and sat where they had started this video,  
Dan read off another question from the Internet, “Who was your first love?”  
‘You.’ Phil thought, then replied out loud, “Your mum.”  
Dan laughed at the next one, “May I stroke your glabella?”  
“What’s a glabella?” Phil looked at Dan, smiling.   
“Let’s find out what a glabella is!” Phil made an excited face when Dan said that, mouth opened widely. After googling it, Dan read aloud, “The glabella is the space above the nose and in between your eyebrows.” Phil pointed to his glabella.   
“Show them the diagram!” He said.  
Dan held up his computer screen to the camera, but the light made it so it wasn’t visible to the viewers.   
“That’s so interesting, Phil.” Dan retorted sarcastically. Phil laughed a bit. “I bet they’re all so glad that they can see the diagram.” Dan left and returned with a stuffed lion from Phil’s bed. He kept his face out of camera view and spoke through the lion, holding it next to Phil’s face. The blue-eyed man kissed it cutely, then looked at the camera again. “Is it fun being a man now?” Dan said, moving the lion as if it were talking instead.   
“Yeah! Especially since now I’ve got my cordless hammer drill!” He pulled the box containing the drill up and showed it to the camera.  
“So manly.” Dan looked at Phil as he set it down. The raven haired man flexed his arm, and Dan laughed. Dan growled to show how manly it was while Phil grabbed a dumbbell. “Oh yeah.” Dan smiled widely.  
Phil repeated, “Oh yeah!” in a low voice and they both laughed. Phil was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe for a moment, making Dan laugh more. Embarrassed, the blue-eyed man hid his face in Dan’s chest. For a moment, he smiled, breathing in deeply. He liked being close to Dan but was too terrified actually to make a move. Still laughing regardless, he sat back up, sticking his tongue out a bit as he laughed. As Dan was attempting to read the next question, Phil moved his tongue around outside of his mouth.   
“What would you do if a goat-”   
Phil covered his mouth to stop, “I need to stop doing that!” he blushed a bit, and Dan looked at him, smirking a bit. On to the next question.  
“Can you say something in French?” Dan asked. Phil quoted a few lines in French, then went back to English, “That’s all I remember from French class.”  
“Tuma e un.. prostitute,” Dan mumbled, barely audible. Obviously, he didn’t pay much attention in class. “Do you use an iron to straighten your hair like Steven does?” Phil looked at Dan, then back at the camera.   
“Yes.”   
“No,” Dan stepped in, and Phil cracked a smile, “Okay,” He pushed Phil out of the camera’s view, then continued, “Phil has really crappy GHD’s that don’t even work. They are Poundland GHD’s.”   
Phil said GHD’s weird and Dan looked at him and smiled repeating it.   
Phil got back into the camera’s view and spouted off a few more terrible French lines.   
“I think you should quack.” Dan glanced at Phil for a moment. Phil quacked in a high pitch while Dan attempted one in a lower octave. They both started laughing, and Dan got on the bed, still in the camera's view. Phil said something bad and Dan laughed more, “You just can’t say that.” Phil licked his lips, and Dan shook his head, trying to get back to the questions. “No. How do rabbits get protein?”   
“From eating a lot of meat.”   
“Should I even bother asking about your feet?”  
Phil snickered then growled, “Nooooo.” He rocked back and showed his mismatched sock covered feet.   
They switched spots on the floor, smiling as Dan continued. “If you came with a warning label, what would it say?”   
Phil sat back up and smirked a bit, “Danger!” Then he grabbed the Wallee toy he had sitting on the floor, holding it up next to Dan’s face.   
“Wallee,” He said in the voice from the movie, licking it and looking at the camera as Phil repeated the name in the same voice.   
“Would you and your lion ever have a threesome with Hannah Montana?”   
In reply, Phil held up his lion and a picture of Hannah, licking his lips. Dan took the picture away and licked it right in front of the camera, muttering, “Oh Miley.” before devouring the photo. He sat back and spat it out, then continued with all of the questions. “Do you have eyelashes?” Phil willed away an eye roll, replying, “No.”   
“What was your first word?”  
“Light,” He repeated in a baby voice, “Light!” To wrap up the video, Dan smiled.   
“This is probably the most fun I’ve ever had-” And Phil smirked, pouncing on Dan and pinning him to the ground mid-sentence. Dan blushed, and figured it was part of the video. He was wrong.   
“Dan..?” Phil said under his breath hesitantly, feeling nervous now.  
The brunette felt the uneasiness and looked up at his friend curiously. “Yeah?”  
Without thinking, Phil spurted out, “Can I kiss you?” Dan was at a loss for words, face now more red the Phil’s. He could only manage a weak nod, feeling himself heat up a bit. 'This is what I've been waiting for.' Dan thought, in disbelief. Phil smiled sweetly and leaned in. He mumbled a soft, “I love you…” then kissed Dan with so much passion; the world must have become still. They were frozen in time, lips moving together in perfect harmony. Phil whimpered as he began to feel a bit hot as well. They finally pulled back for breath, looking deeply into each other's eyes. They both looked down and realised that their pants were getting… Particularly tight. Dan got more red, if possible, then remembered the camera.   
“Ph-Phil, the camera…” Phil glanced at it and smirked.  
“We could always edit it out later~” He had eyes filled with a desire for Dan. One that, sadly, would never fully be fulfilled (or so the thought.) Dan, too hot to bother arguing, nodded eagerly as they moved to the bed. They lay next to each other, embracing as they kissed passionately. Phil pulled back again, moving to his neck and licking it lightly. Dan shuddered and gripped the other. Phil bit softly, earning a small mewl from Dan. Phil laid back and pulled Dan on top of him. Dan was more talented -weird because he is younger- and he moved his mouth to Phil’s neck, biting harder than Phil had, earning a surprised gasp. Dan rocked into the older man slowly, sucking, biting, and licking that one spot, until there was a huge hickey that wouldn’t go away for a while. They kissed some more, and Dan laced his fingers in the other’s black hair, deepening the kiss. Dan’s phone -which was in his back pocket- rang. They both groaned in slight annoyance. The chocolate eyed man answered quickly.  
“Hello?” the other person spoke barely audible. “Oh, okay mum.” He had to go home. It sucked living with parents. “I understand, I’ll see you in a bit. Love you too. Bye.” He hung up and returned his phone to his pocket. “I… Have to go home. It’s almost supper.” He pouted, as did Phil.   
“Then let’s wrap this video up, you can edit stuff out or whatever.” He smiled and sat in front of the camera, in his ending position. Dan sat next to him as they smiled brightly for the fans.   
“Bye!!” They said in unison as they made hearts with their hands. Phil laughed and shook his head, “That’s so cheesy!”  
“It's supposed to be cheesy!” Dan giggled.   
“Goodbye everybody!”  
“Goodbye~” Dan said in a high voice.   
They turned off the camera, and Phil helped the other collect his stuff, then walking him to the door. They hugged and Phil watched Dan off, smiling to himself and blushing. Dan hurried home, currently freaking out because he just realised what had happened.

~End of flashback~

Dan thought about it and blushed. They were so young and stupid then… They both had such serious and intense feelings but handled it in the very worst ways. Dan sighed, things got awkward back then… No, he made himself stop thinking about it as he grabbed the computer, opening it and instinctively going on YouTube, and then Twitter, then Tumblr. Hopefully, the internet world would put him at ease -as it usually does.


	5. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil is gone planning the big day, while Dan decided to go online; Dan does not find what he was looking for.

Dan first checked on the youtube video. After receiving a few threatening comments last night, the couple had decided to disable the comments section. He shut the tab with a sigh, then checked Twitter. There was a lot of rude and nasty posts about the men and the video, Dan willed away the urge to read, scrolling the mouse over the ‘x’ button on this tab. Then, one had caught his eye… He didn’t want to, but he couldn’t stop it either. He had posted a picture like two days ago, in a new shirt, he liked. There was a relatively recent reply -this morning.  
“Why don’t you just slip into something a bit more comfortable, like a coma? faggot…”  
His brows twisted in a confused contortion. He decided to read more, despite the sinking feeling of complete emptiness.  
“I use to like you and that other one. But seriously?? Gross.”  
“Why are you even alive?”  
“I’d never be able to live with myself if I were you; it won’t work out.”  
“This is gonna end badly.”  
“If it does, will it be the end of Dan and Phil?”  
“Seriously, though, kill yourself, you ignorant fuck.”  
“Fags don’t deserve shit; better be sleeping with one eye open!”  
“I kill pussies for a living; you’re next.”  
“Can I help?”  
Dan teared up a bit and shut his laptop violently, throwing it to the floor and curling into a ball. He let dark thoughts take over slowly. ‘Daniel, this is going to be bad… He will leave you. Don’t do this to yourself. Though, think about it… The world hates you now; it’s a matter of time before he does too!’ A tear slipped down his cheek as he stared straight ahead, a face of utter fear and lifelessness. ‘He will leave you at the wedding, Howell, you will be alone. You’re always going to be alone. Your family hates you. Disgraceful you are. What do you expect to happen??’ More tears fell as he thought deeper, sobbing silently. ‘Just… End it now. Before you get hurt. Before you get in too deep-” Dan let out a cry, and stood, running to the restroom. He slammed the door, in hopes of escaping the voice in his head. ‘Daniel… You know what you have to do.’  
“No…” He whispered, now shattered. ‘Yes. You know-.'  
“No!” He yelled and slumped to the ground, hugging his knees. ‘I’m here every day, dude. I’m not leaving… Unless you make me leave.’ Dan shook his head violently. ‘You deserve nothing better than death. You know it. You are disgusting.’ He let out another sob, standing.  
“Dammit, why does it have to be right,” He whispered, exiting the restroom and going into his room, nerves killing him gradually. He grabbed this bottle of whiskey a friend got him for Christmas, heading out of the apartment and up the stairwell. He opened the previously unopened bottle and threw the lid behind him. He felt numb and intended to drink the entire bottle. He took a large swig, then gagged a bit. It tasted like shit, but he didn’t care. He took another swig and made it to the roof, having already chugged half the large bottle; he stumbled. He still had tears staining his cheeks. He got up on a ledge and sat, feet dangling off the edge. He frowned and chugged some more, pulling out his phone and setting his bottle next to him. Getting out his phone, he texted Phil.  
‘-I love you so much <3’ he sent it and stared at the setting sun, this day had gone by fast, and it was almost dinner time. He had to hurry and decide. He sobbed to himself and his phone buzzed. He looked at it through blurred eyes.  
‘-I love you too, Danosaur. Everything okay?’ It read. Dan shook his head. The phone rang, and he answered, hearing the voice of the man he loved.  
“Dan? I’m on my way home, want me to bring dinner?” Dane let out an audible cry and shook his head again.  
“I-I… I love you…” Phil heard the emptiness in his love’s voice and began freaking out.  
“I love you-” He got cut off by Dan throwing the phone off the edge, groaning and gasping in pain as he is drowning himself in liquor.  
‘You are disgusting. I can’t believe you. Just do it!' Dan Finished the bottle and threw it off the side, hiccuping and covering his face.

~

Phil was about a 20-minute walk from their home when he got a text.  
‘-I love you so much.’ The raven haired man smiled to himself, then he sighed. Dan never texts him when he’s out with mum.  
‘-I love you too, Danosaur. Everything okay?’ There wasn’t a reply and Phil took a deep breath, dialing Dan. The younger man answered.  
“Dan?” He heard sobbing and began to panic, “I’m on my way home, want me to bring dinner?” He tried to remain calm, awaiting a reply.  
“I-I… I love you…” He sounded dead; this is where Phil freaks out, walking faster.  
“I love you-” The line went dead, and there was a loud beeping noise. He put his phone in his pocket and ran as fast as he could, feeling a pit in his stomach. He was at the apartment building, and as he was about to enter, he heard a glass shatter behind him, turning to see an empty, now shattered bottle. It smelled like liquor, and he looked up at the very tall building, seeing a silhouette. There was a shattered Phone -didn’t even look like a phone anymore- next to the bottle. His eyes went wide as he went inside, seeing the elevators both in use. “Dammit…” he went to the stairs and ran up them, quickly tiring. Ignoring his pain, he sped up, desperate to save his love. His eye teared up a bit, but he bit his tongue. Once at the roof, he ran over to the brunette- who was obviously his fiance.  
Dan had stood, stumbling and almost slipping several times, as he heard the commotion behind him. He let out another sob, shaking. He was too drunk for even that voice to come out. He was doing it all his own, taking matters into his hands. “Dan!” Phil called, his voice trembling. “D-Don’t do it! Please? I…” Dan turned to his love, seeing two of him. “I need you, come down, okay? Come with me before…” Too late, sirens and lights were flashing. Almost in an instant, there were two cops behind Phil, trying to coax Dan closer. Phil walked closer slowly, right in front of Dan now, the cops had stopped. “Baby, listen… I don’t know what happened, but please…” Tears were spilling from them both now as Phil gagged at the strong scent of alcohol. “Come with me.” He reached out his arms, and Dan jumped into them, finally willing himself away from insanity. He sobbed into Phil’s chest. “Y-You guys can go… I’ve got him... “ Then he whispered to Dan, “And I’m never letting go.” The police left, and Phil carried a shaking, alcohol drenched, bawling Dan to their apartment. “Please… Never do that again…” Phil said, still choking a bit as he set his love on his bed with the blue duvet. Phil laid with him holding him tightly. They decided to fall asleep, Phil silently choosing to wait until tomorrow to ask questions. He felt hurt… That Dan was about to leave forever. But… Why had he done it?  
The next morning came, and Dan woke up to see Phil wide awake, yet still embracing his smaller form. “Good morning, beautiful.” Phil forced a sweet smile, still hurt. Dan forced a smile as well.  
“M...Morning.” He groaned and covered his eyes. He had a terrible migraine and killer nausea. Phil kissed his forehead and then got up, running out of the room. He returned quickly with a glass of water and some Tylenol.  
“Sit up,” He said sweetly, sitting at the edge of the bed. Dan did as he was told, taking the medicine he was given and sipping the water. “You feeling okay?”  
“Hungover as fuck…” The chocolate-eyed man chuckled dryly, sipping his water. Phil frowned a bit, still feeling a pit in his stomach.  
“I mean… Like, emotionally, Dan.” The younger man looked down at his lap, shrugging.  
“Dunno…”  
“Do you remember anything that happened yesterday evening?” Dan stayed quiet, nodding ever so slightly. Phil saw the fear in his eyes and hugged him tightly. “Wanna tell me about it?” He shrugged again, clinging to Phil. “I need to know… So I can help.”  
“No one can help this. No one can help me, Phil.” He mumbled, sniffling.  
Phil sighed, “You don’t know that.” and right the blue-eyed man was.  
“I…” He paused, having never told anyone about this before, it was quite difficult to let out. “This… Voice? Shit, that makes me sound crazy, huh?” Phil shook his head ‘no’ and stroked Dan’s hair. “Well, ever since I was an adolescent, he’s always been there… I always hide away when he’s taunting me, but yesterday… He became too much… What he- he said… I-It was…” He let out a shuddering breath and Phil’s eyes went wide.  
“Is… Is that where you are when you disappear for hours at a time..?” at Dan’s nod, he sighed quietly.  
“I’m so sorry, bear… Have you ever considered… Therapy? Or any treatment?” Dan pulled away from Phil, looking horrified.  
“Only crazy people do that shit. I am not crazy!” He sounded seriously upset, looking into Phil’s worried eyes.  
“No, plenty of normal people go to therapy. Also, some of the most successful people need to take medicine. I do not fully agree with mind altering meds… But, you may need it. Don’t you want the voice to go away?” Dan nodded, still hesitant.  
“I hate pills.”  
“Same, but you may not need them… Let’s try therapy, okay?”  
Dan paused, “I dunno…”  
“Please? I-I can’t come home and see you like… That again. I just-” He choked on his words, on the verge of tears. “I need you, I-I can’t lose you…” He bit his tongue and held back more tears.  
“Phil… You will never lose me… I-If you… Think it’ll help… I’ll try it, okay?”  
“Promise?” Phil looked at Dan with sadness in his eyes. Dan nodded and smiled at his love, kissing his cheek.  
“I do, and lion… I love you.” Dan smiled cutely, causing Phil to crack a small smile.  
“I love you too…” The raven-haired man leaned in and kissed the brunette, both losing all tension instantly. They held each other close, then pulled away, foreheads pressed together. “I love you,” Phil repeated, “So much…” They stayed like that for a while, until Dan’s stomach growled loudly, causing them both to laugh at the spoiled moment.  
“Hungry?” Phil asked sarcastically. Dan giggled and nodded. “Wanna go out to eat?” He nodded again. “I’m gonna shower.” Phil got up, walking over to his wardrobe.  
“Can I join?” Dan winked.  
“Only if you’re man enough, my love~” With that and clothes in his hand, he left the room, going into the bathroom. Dan blushed and hurried to his room, picking out an outfit. He decided to join Phil. Entering the bathroom quietly, he quickly stripped, then hopped in behind Phil. The ebony haired man turned around, having already shampooed his hair. He smiled and kissed Dan, then quickly switched to the other, allowing him to wash his hair -which was beginning to curl. They finished up cleaning then kissed again sweetly, both bright red. For the first time, they saw all of the other. Embarrassed, they both hurried to turn off the water, then get dried off and dressed. They did up their hair and exited the bathroom together, walking over to where they kept their shoes. Once their feet were covered, they threw on jackets and left the apartment hand-in-hand. Once they were on the street, they stuck close together.  
“Where should we go?” Dan asked, looking over at a smiling Phil.


	6. Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil lets Dan in on only a few components of their wedding, that is only in a week.

“Where should we go?” Dan asked, looking over at a smiling Phil.  
“Um…” He paused, “How about that older fashioned cafe down the road? We haven’t gone there for quite a while.” Dan nodded, and they walked, ignoring the stares they got. This isn’t the first time they’d held hands in public -on this street especially. The odd looks and quiet murmurs are there every time. Once at the cafe, they sat across from each other at a booth. A waitress walks up to them, smiling.  
“Haven’t seen you boys around here recently.” She smiled warmly; she was an older woman who they have met here before.  
“We’ve been super busy.” Phil smiled warmly.  
With a nod, she asks, “What would you like to drink?”  
“A double espresso please,” Dan replied warmly.  
“Bubble tea, please.” She smiled and handed them menus then walked away. They looked over the menus and decided quickly. Setting them down, they smiled dreamily at each other. Their drinks arrived, and she took the menus, asking what they wanted. They ordered and sat in silence. Phil’s smile dropped, as did his gaze. He remembered yesterday evening as though it was a minute ago. Dan looked at him, and reached over, grabbing his hand gently.  
“...Lion?” He said, worried. Phil lifted his head, still looking down as he rubbed at his eyes. Dan sighed to himself, and though he thinks it’s weird when couples do this, he ignored his subconscious, getting up and moving to sit next to Phil. He hugged the raven haired male tightly, subtly kissing his cheek. Phil chuckled and cleared his throat, finally looking at Dan again.  
“S-Sorry, I had a moment…” Dan smiled sadly and held Phil’s hand under the table. He got up as he saw their food on the way, sitting back across from Phil. Dan looked at his food, his chocolate eyes full and happy, as he dug in quickly. Phil laughed and ate as well, almost drooling. They ate, sneaking glances at each other and pausing to drink occasionally. When they finished, they slowly sipped their drinks, making small talk. Phil was glad to wind down, he has only been planning for one day and was already exhausted. His mother was planning it, but he had to go with and make executive decisions! Probably the most adult-sounding thing he has done since college. Anyway, They finished their drinks and Phil pulled out his wallet, about to pay.  
“I can get it, Lion!” He smiled and made Phil put away his wallet, paying for the meal. They left, hand-in-hand. They walked close together, Dan resting his head on Phil. They heard sniggers and rolled their eyes. They were about a block away from home when they heard a car speeding by, and some various trash and food items tossed out at them, with great aim. They probably didn’t skip sports in school. Dan stopped in his tracks, balling his hands into fists. Phil felt horrible for Dan, having to drag him into this… No, he couldn’t think like that. He needed to get Dan home and cleaned, and hopefully they could save Dan’s favourite, unconventionally zipped shirt. Phil grabbed Dan’s hand tighter, walking faster. They got to their apartment and rushed in, letting out two very aggravated sighs. Dan hurried to the bathroom, slamming the door and Phil’s stomach dropped. He felt horrible. He made way to his room quickly, stripping on his way. He tossed the clothes on his room floor as he got into something else, then leaning on the wall a moment. He realised that the shower wasn’t running, and Dan had been in there silent for far too long. After composing himself, he rushed to the bathroom, knocking lightly.  
“Dan..? Are you okay in there?” Phil murmured, hearing sniffles. “Dan..?” He opened it slowly and looked in the center of the room, seeing Dan curled up in a ball, whimpering. He sighed and sat in front of the brunette, “I- I’m so sorry…” Dan shuddered and moved to sit on Phil’s lap, hiding his face in the crook of the blue-eyed man’s neck. Phil hugged him tightly, not caring about dirtying his clean outfit. “Please… Dan…” His voice almost cracked.  
“I-I’m so sorry Phil…” Dan's voice was quivering.  
“None of this is your fault; I promise you that. Just… Be honest with me… About this…” His voice successfully interrupted him by cracking. Dan looked at him, feigning confusion as to what Phil meant. “D-Dan…”  
“Phil… I… I love you so much… I just…” His crying made it hard to speak as Phil bit his tongue roughly, almost crying himself.  
“Promise me…” Dan looked up to see his red eyes, tearing up. “That you will tell me if it gets too much. Tell me if… You need to change your mind…” He sighed and pushed away tears, sadly almost use to this cycle.  
“I want to do this still; I’m not letting their jealousy ruin our happiness.” He caressed the older man’s cheek, smiling sweetly again. “Did you decide on a date yet?”  
With a nod, Phil put his hand over the brunettes. “Yeah, today is Monday, it’ll be next Monday. I’m sending a ride to pick you up around noon.”  
“I need to get cleaned up,” He stood and pulled his fiance up as well.  
Phil grinned, “After you finish, would you like to go with me to pick out some tuxes?”  
The younger man nodded enthusiastically, kissing Phil’s cheek. They exited the bathroom, Dan running to his room for clothes while Phil went to his, and got changed quickly. Once done, he sat in the lounge and waited for Dan to shower and straighten his hair. When they were both ready to leave, they walked to the nearby bus stop. It arrived quickly, and they boarded, Phil leading as Dan had no clue where they were headed. After about a thirty-minute ride, they got off at a stop in one of the busiest shopping areas in London. Phil took the younger man’s hand in his own, walking quickly to a very fancy looking wedding store. They entered, and an older man with white hair walked up to them. He smiled.  
“What can I help you with today, sirs?”  
They still held hands, Dan gripping nervously while Phil grinned. “We’re here to look at men’s wedding apparel.” The older man looked a bit excited and led them hurriedly to a back room where the walls were lined with tuxes of every size, shape, style, and color. Dan looked in awe, having never actually been to a fancy as all hell clothing shop like this one.  
“Look around, the ones about-” He paused and looked them both up and down, “Your appropriate size, are right here.” He gestured to a different bunch, which there were surprisingly quite a few of. They nodded and thanked him as he left back to the front.  
“See anything you like?” Phil asked, having snuck up behind him. Dan jumped then laughed at himself.  
“Hmmm… Did you pick a color scheme yet?” Dan asked.  
“I haven’t been able to decide between blue and black, or black and white.”  
“Hmmm.” Dan hummed in thought again and smiled, “I like blue and black! Black and white would be a bit plain…” Phil smiled and nodded in agreement.  
“That’s why I love you. Oh! Our suits should match the theme then. I call blue!” Phil smiled and saw several blue, varying in shades.  
“I wanted black anyways, it’s the exact color of my soul!” He giggled and walked up to the black ones, looking through them with a grin. Phil followed suit and looked at the options. They spent about 20 minutes searching and eliminating options. They each found one that caught their eye immediately, hurrying to the dressing room to try them on. They both came out at about the same time. Phil had chosen a medium blue, white shirt underneath and white shoes, he looked like an angel. Dan was speechless. Much to his disbelief, Phil was just as in ‘awe’ over the brunettes choice. It was slick back, leather looking material with white highlights as well. They walked up to each other; Dan was still in awe and Phil now grinning.  
“Do you think we should take dancing lessons?”  
“We have to dance?” Dan pouted jokingly. Phil laughed, and they turned to look at themselves in the mirror.  
“Wow, you both look dashing.” They jumped and turned to see the man who helped them earlier. “You make the cutest couple.” He grinned then continued, “But, you might want to change, don’t wanna wear them out before the rehearsals even start.” They both smiled at each other and then at him, walking into their separate dressing rooms. They came out in their original clothes, handing their choice tuxedos to the man. He gave them quite the total, and Phil paid via credit card. They left, carrying their expertly packed outfits to the bus.  
“Where to now, Lion?” He smile childishly, getting excited.  
He thought on it, “Well… Mum and I had been looking at some venus, and I want to take you to the final two options. If you don’t like either, I’ll take your idea with an open mind.” Dan grinned again, and they boarded the bus, standing and holding onto the rails. Phil had his chest to the brunette's back, a protective arm around the younger man as the crowded bus took off. Dan laid his head back on the blue-eyed man’s shoulder, eyes closed as they waited. When the bus came to a stop a while later, Phil grabbed his fiance’s hand gently, leading him off the bus and down a winding path. They were out of the city area, and it was quite spacious out here, a rarity in London. Phil stopped and grabbed Dan’s suit, holding it as he placed a blindfold over the other’s eyes. “Walk close to me, I want it to be a surprise.” Dan blushed a bit and nodded, following blindly down a steep path. Minutes later, they came to a stop. “Ready?” Phil said, voice flirtatious.  
“Y-Yeah. It better be great-” The blindfold was taken off quickly, and he shut up, jaw dropping at the scene in front of him. It was the chapel where Phil had proposed. It had been decorated with flowers and white veils. He couldn't even imagine how great such a natural beauty would look when it was completed.   
“A little cliche, but…” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.  
“Perfect… It’s perfect!” Dan smiled brightly, kissing Phil. The older man blushed and kissed back, smiling.  
“So you like it?”  
“I love it.” Dan laid his head on Phil, looking at the chapel within the busy park where they had frequented. “Are we gonna have the wedding recorded? Like to post to our channels afterwards since our fans won’t be there?”  
“I planned on it.” He kissed Dan’s cheek and took his hand, leading him back to the road leading to their home. “So,” He glanced at Dan, “Should we start looking for a house of our own before the wedding or after the honeymoon?”  
Dan stopped in his tracks, “Phil. You only want a house so you can have that hamster farm.”  
“Maybe…” He giggled.  
“Are… Are we getting a honeymoon? To where?” He asked, walking again with excitement in his steps.  
“It’s a secret. You won’t know much more than you know now.” Dan pouted at this, giving Phil puppy eyes. Phil smiled and pulled him a bit closer as they walked on. They got home and got to the lounge, plopping on the couch.  
“That was pretty exhausting. Probably the most exercise I’ve gotten in awhile.” Phil laughed and turned on the t.v. So they could relax a bit. They cuddled a bit to an anime and laughed, enjoying each other's company. Phil and Dan both pushed the darker times to the way back of their minds, just wanting to be caught up in this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this story please leave kudos and comments! Constructive criticism would be appreciated as well :) Thank you all~


	7. Stronger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan reminisces upon another memory, doing very adult things. Read with caution.

Dan looked up at Phil as they neared the end of the episode. Phil looked back down at the brunette, who was snuggled up to his broad chest. His blue eyes drifted shut as he placed a finger under Dan’s chin, guiding their faces nearer. The other closed his eyes as well as their lips touched softly, sweetly. Phil pulled Dan closer, wanting more. The brown eyed man opened them for a moment, unsure if he wanted it as well. He felt nervous and unsure. They kissed and Phil glided a hand down Dan’s body resting at the hem of his pants. Palming Dan through his jeans, he smirked. In reply, the brunette rocked into the touch, whimpering. Phil pulled down Dan’s pants a bit, trying to take them off. This is where Dan broke the kiss, looking at a pair of blue, lustful eyes.   
“Phil..?”   
“Yeah?” He asked, smiling at his fiance.  
He spoke hesitantly. “I… I want to wait.” His face flushed and Phil raised an eyebrow.  
“Oh?”  
“I-I’m sorry, I just, wanna save it. Like, for after we’re married… If that’s okay…” He looked away, feeling bad for denying his lover.  
“I understand.” He grinned and kissed Dan on the cheek. “I think that’s adorable.” He fixed up Dan's pants and hugged him, allowing for Dan to cuddle into his chest. Honestly, he didn’t want to wait, but for Dan, he would do anything. Phil got up and picked up the falling asleep Dan, carrying him to his darkened room. He set his love down and layed next to him, holding him closely. They fell fast asleep together, and the entire night, Phil thought of Dan, and how he’d been hurt so bad today. His smile faded, the darkness overtaking them.   
The next morning it was bright as Phil felt someone jumping on the bed. He groaned and turned over, pulling the duvet over his face.   
“Phil Phil Phil Phil Phil Phil Phil Phil Phil!!!!!!!!” Dan sounded too energized as he pulled the covers off of Phil’s head, the light hitting his eyes, causing him to flinch. He groaned as Dan continued to cutely -and yet somehow annoyingly at the same time- to repeat his name, jumping on the bed. “Phiiiiiiiiiiiil!! Get up!! It’s almost noon! Your mum called and said she missed me last night~” Phil forced away a smile at his low yet funny joke. He rolled over and looked at Dan, who was grinning and stopped jumping around.   
“I hate you.” He mumbled, still holding back a smile.   
“I love you too~” He kissed Phil quickly. “Now get up, lazy ass!” He ran off, saying something about how he went to get brunch earlier, causing a sleepy Phil to get up and groan again, walking slowly to the kitchen. When he got there, he saw their coffee table, which had some McDonald's breakfast items (Dan knows what Phil likes.) He smiled and plopped on the couch next to Dan, who as is their ritual lately, waited for him to begin eating. He turned on the episode they were on in this current anime, and they dug in, both grinning. They finished their food and sat quietly -with occasional commentary- to finish the episode. When it was over, Phil kissed Dan softly.  
“I have to get ready… I’m sorry to say I won’t be around much in the daytime for the next week, so I hope you don’t have too much fun without me~” He added a joke at the end, and his fiance chuckled, nodding. The raven haired man fled to the bathroom to shower and get ready. He came out a bit later, slipping on his shoes. “Okay, I’m heading out. Stay safe.” He smiled sweetly and kissed Dan’s forehead, leaving the brunette alone. He assumed his browsing position, opening his laptop. He went onto Tumblr, the first thing he noticed was a LOT of fanfiction, fanart, and worst (best) of all, fangirls. He decided anything hateful would get ignored and not even glanced at. What he found the worst was the gifs. He shuddered at some of them and found a cute little Fanfic, deciding to read it because why not. It started out super adorable, something about him and Phil gaming together. They were playing mortal combat, and Dan was winning. Phil was getting frustrated and upset at his losing. After the game was over, they stayed sat on the couch, Dan proud of his second win at this game recently, Phil moping. Dan felt bad in the story, and kissed Phil. Obviously, as this was tumblr, it escalated from there quickly. Dan’s face, in real life, flushed. He read on, nibbling his lip. The story intensified and Dan became very uncomfortable. He really hated having the labito of a teenager. The story ended and he set his laptop down, covering his face. He couldn’t get the image out of his head, a dominant Phil looming over him. He whimpered and got up, hurrying into Phil’s room. This is so creepy, he thought to himself. He had a pretty intense hard on, and picked up one of Phil’s shirts. He sat on the bed, laying down and pulled down his pants down, along with his underwear. Holding the shirt to his face, he closed his eyes and reached his free hand down his body. He touched himself, stroking slowly. With a quiet whimper, he closed his eyes and imagined that it was Phil’s hand rather than his own. He moaned into the silent room, visibly shaking. He was very adamant about waiting until marriage, even though they’d done this much before…. He let his mind wander.

~flashback~

“Hey everyone!” He started enthusiastically. “So, last week on my second channel I asked you guys,” he pointed at the camera, “for your suggestions for a would you rather video. Now, I did want to do this with somebody that you haven’t met before, to you know, jazz things up a bit, but you guys weren’t having it. So I’ve just ended up doing it with…” He feigned annoyance as Phil came into the camera’s view.   
“Hey, everyone!” He said, smiling brightly.   
“I hate you.” Dan said, causing the raven haired man to pout. He then let his smile out, “Are you ready?”  
“Yeah!” Phil put his thumbs up and Dan followed suit.  
From there, well, things escalated.

~End Flashback~

Dan reminisced on that evening, remembering what they'd done. They didn't, and have never had sex. But they did to other things. Dan finished his business, then rushed to shower. Once done, he laid in Phil's bed again, on his phone. He.checked YouTube again, and regretted it instantly. Then, he fell into a sleep, one plagued by bad thoughts. A few hours later, Phil returned, smiling at the innocent, sleeping Dan. “Dan…” he smiled a bit, “I'm sorry. I know things are tough, and will probably get worse, but trust in me. Trust in my love.” he whispered, laying down and holding the sleeping Dan. After a kiss to the top of the head, Phil continued. “No matter how bad things get, remember how much stronger we are together. You are so strong and beautiful and…” he sighed quietly. “I wish you knew the extent to which I love you.”


	8. The Little Things in Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil enjoy a meal out, reconnecting with one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an extremely short chapter, I'm sorry... (T.T) I just wanted to do a cute filler chapter before the drama comes along. Enjoy the fluff!!

Dan had his eyes closed, but he was awake for the little speech. He felt himself begin to cry, and bit it back, not wanting to ruin the moment. He only gripped Phil tighter, trying to sleep. Phil only smiled sadly. The following morning was a long one, they both sighed as they walked out of their apartment. Dan looked at the blue sky, something that only Phil's eyes could compare to in terms of beauty. Dan thought this as they linked hands. This day went by without incident, and they both went to the venue. The wedding was soon, and they needed to make sure what was already done was still perfect. Phil wouldn't let Dan see the last of its completion until the day of. Dan was already mesmerized. He laid his head on Phil's shoulder, grinning. “This is already amazing, Phil.”  
Phil laughed at the pun, and nodded surely, “Just wait until it's done!” he giggled childishly, and Dan blushed a bit. They walked back to the bus stop and went into the large hunk of metal. It wasn’t too crowded, thankfully. “Wanna stop to get lunch?” He smiled at his brown eyed counterpart.   
“Yeah, sure.” they held onto the bars above them, standing in silence for a moment. “Where to?”  
“Oka?” Dan thought a moment.  
“That Japanese food place? Hell yeah!” They smiled and got off at the next stop, walking a few blocks to the restaurant. They entered and got seated, seeing a menu. Dan ordered a spider roll with kimchi mayo, topped with avocado and tempura crumbs. Phil went with a bulgogi beef fillet served over salad with Asian chimichurri sauce. They also ordered a mint tea for the taller man, and green tea for Dan. They sipped their drinks, making small talk and laughing together. Phil and Dan held hands from across the small table, waiting for food to arrive. Once it got to the table, they let go of each other and thanked the waiter. The service was lovely and the food, upon tasting, was amazing. This was definitely on their list of top food places. They ate their food, still talking. Dan grinned as Phil went on. Despite the trials, the fact that he and Phil could talk forever without getting tired of each other, in Dan’s eyes, meant that they were made to be together forever. Dan had had doubts about their engagement and marriage, but that faded quickly as he realized that his life was nothing without his best friend, the love of his life. Phillip Michael Lester. The sunshine he needed in his life. The only one he ever felt complete with…  
“Dan?” Phil said, sounding a bit worried. The brunette snapped out of his thoughts, still grinning at his friend.   
“Hmm?” He hummed curiously.   
“I asked if you wanted to help me come up with a list of people to invite, and decide who is set where?” With a chuckle, Dan nodded.  
“I’ll do whatever to help, this is my wedding too.” Phil’s eyes lit up excitedly as they finished and paid for the meal. As they left, hailing a cab, Dan realized that this, all of this, is his passion. It’s the small things in life, the days like this, that make it all worthwhile.


End file.
